The Coolest Kid on Earth

People will disagree with me (I don’t care!) but being a kid can be a dorky as hell time. Between lame parents putting you in awful gear from The Children’s Place (Children, were you aware your “place” was filled with so many horrible colors and patterns?! You should sue!) and having to watch pitiful programming like Word World (how does making a shark’s body spell out the word ‘shark’ help anybody learn to read?) and ‘Angelina Ballerina’ (Could she be any more of a spoiled turd?) – the cards are kind of stacked against you, coolness-wise. You can’t go to shows, or ride your bike down to the docks yet. Maybe you like good music but that’s probably just a coincidence, and if your parents have been taking you to art openings on their shoulders well you run the risk of being jaded by the time you’re 7. Tough waters to navigate, little dawgs!

Then again, you’re young and have a million chances to hit ctrl-alt-delete on your steez before you hit teendom and your social network remembers every malaprop, bad haircut and sartorial misstep you make. (I ain’t even gonna get in to taking your clothes off on the internet. Don’t do it, girls.)

That said- incorporating some or all of the stuff below into your life will ensure that you at least APPEAR totally awesome- even if you have a lisp and cry during the ‘Backyardigans’ theme song.


LIKEaBIKE Racer - German Walking Bike - $294.76 on Amazon

This one looks SICK but is pricey as hell as it is no doubt constructed in ‘non-China.’

Smart Gear Smart Balance Bike - $69.77

This one is about 1/3 of the price and looks almost as cool. But these decisions are between you and your shrinking retirement fund. Oh wait- that’s me!

Frank Lloyd Wright Fallingwater house lego set - $124 at Velocity Art and Design

Legos are innately cool, but add thoroughly horrible, misogynist architects into the mix and the result is a disturbingly cool toy. Maybe leave out the part about the kids getting butchered by Wright’s deranged Caribbean chef at Taliesin. Unless you think emotion scars are cool.

Babette doll - £25.00 at Le Train Fantome

A well-dressed doll for your well dressed child.

Marysia Dangling Dot bikini - $40 (on SALE!) at Barney's

I want this for myself.

Denim Tiger Jacket - €33.50 from Mini Rodini

Jean jackets are great. Bold tiger print? Well look at it this way…when ELSE in life are you going to be able to get away with this? (Hopefully forever, Virginia, presuming you don’t work in finance!)

Bobo Choses Harlequin dress - £20.30 at Orfeo

Hoodie Suit - €40,00 - from Popupshop

I think this girl’s face says it all.

April Showers 'face bag' - $58.50 at Sweet William

Sudo Cynthia ankle boots - $65 (on SALE!)

I saw these boots and was inspired to do a post on COOL KID stuff. So there you go.
Finish the whole thing off with this perfectly ratty dream jacket and you’re set for life (or until you outgrow all this stuff. Maintaining one’s cool is a journey, not a destination!)

Leather bomber jacket (size 4) - $115 on Etsy


Confetti mobile - $75 from Frazier & Wing

Frazier and Wing use genius color combos that make their delicate and simple mobiles appropriate for everyone, not just crib chillers.

Vintage German Biology Wall Chart - Worms - $165 on Etsy

Science? School? Do I even *read* my own intro paragraphs? I thought this was supposed to be about nauseatingly COOL stuff!? Enter: worms.
Some kid: “What the fudge is that?”
Your kid: “That? That’s a huge old worm hanging on my wall and I ain’t even a little bit grossed out. OWNED.”

Lewis Moon Poster - £12.00 at Le Train Fantome

I don’t know who this Lewis is, but he hangs out on the moon so… you do the math.

Table/Chair from Child Child Chair - $549.00 at Little Catwalk

It took me a minute to figure out what was going on here but basically it’s a slick piece of blond wood furniture with an extremely limited purpose that involves a small child conversing with a baby. Ideally, the conversation would take place is Swedish but I guess one-sided English would work too.

Ice Cream mobile - $40

This mobile is whimsical and fun and doesn’t have Dora’s triangular shaped head exploring all over it.

Stay cool, my young friends!


2 responses to “The Coolest Kid on Earth

  1. i want that wormy wall chart!

  2. nice selection! kims mobiles are the best!

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