So like… now what?

I’m 39 weeks today!

Kinda hoping to go into labor around dinner time so I can finally have that brie, apple and avocado sandwich I have been craving for 9 months, but have heretofore avoided due to ‘listeria hysteria.’

In addition to all the obvious reasons I want to have this baby RIGHT NOW (getting to meet her, getting to put outfits on her, take family naps, push her around town, squish her little feet, film and photograph her to a nauseating degree…), is a pretty superficial one and that is: She is literally ripping through my skin! 2 weeks ago I was completely and utterly free from stretch marks of any kind and my skin was always being complimented for its fortitude and luster. Now, what started as a small “meteorological” pattern above my navel last week has blossomed into a total Star Trek-esque freakshow over my entire bump. Thankfully I do not have any photoshoots scheduled – but if I did, they would be for Fangoria, not Maxim.

Do you read me, tiny baby? You come on out and stretch your legs on the OUTSIDE! Plus, your great-grandmother flies into town from Austria (or London?) tomorrow and I don’t want you to keep her waiting. Yes, she dropped my brother James in her garden 15 years ago but I promise it won’t happen to you, so just be brave and wiggle on out!

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