Ask me about my inferior vena cava!

Mike and I spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday undergoing intense childbirth ed overload, courtesy of Roosevelt Hospital’s ‘Intro to the Birthing Center’ & ‘Early Discharge from the Birthing Center’ classes and Realbirth’s ‘Comprehensive Childbirth Education’ classes. Now we’re totally ready for back labor, 4th degree perineal tears, giving birth to a goat’s head, etc.

For serious though, we learned a lot about things we knew we didn’t want anyway- did you know that if a woman gets an epidural before she’s 5cm dilated there is a 75% chance she’ll end up having a c-section??? That’s insane! And that 1 in 10 women that get an epidural end up with a ‘spinal headache’ which is basically where you’re painfully leaking spinal fluid away from your brain? Your brain literally sags in your skull and you have to go in for a patch to correct it. Way cool.

Also interesting– Brazil has a 97 or 98% c-section rate. They just don’t believe in vaginas over there! Which seems weird since there are so many total babes there- you think they’d be all over vaginas – during birth and otherwise. However, like anytime something is so overwhelmingly prevalent in an area, a backlash emerges. We watched this one video of Brazilian women giving birth in the squatting position and they made it look so easy. No face-wringing, huffing & puffing, wailing, or hysteria- just a woman, squatting while holding onto a bar, letting gravity do its thing. Once the heads crowned, the rest of the baby would literally fall out (not far, obviously) and start wiggling. It was amazing.

Ah jeez, what else? Mike perfected some massage techniques on me and we learned about various accupressure points that will stimulate oxytocin. Nice! I don’t really have to worry about getting Pitocin since I’m in the birthing center and there are no drugs there- but if I wasn’t? Well I am thoroughly grossed out to learn that it’s pig-based. I wonder if all the Muslims and Jews they administer it to are made aware of that fact. Probably not. I can’t imagine they’d want the best day of their lives to be the result of a synthesized pig boner.

Anyway! Feeling pretty good– starting to have some sciatic pain and there is a general slowness to my movements but nothing too major. The little wiggler is really thumping up a storm in there and sometimes that makes me groan… but again, in a good way. Just counting down the days now, looking forward to my baby showers, and ultimately the emergence of my wiggler.

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