Monthly Archives: October 2008

Rhythm is a boxer

I really needed to rest my head today and was prepared to do so in the gym when one of our receptionists kindly reminded me that our president’s personal trainer would be coming in 15 minutes and obviously this would be a noisy and awkward place to be.

I moved myself to the boardroom adjacent to the gym and lowered the solar shades to block out the light. I fell asleep almost immediately but the tail end of my snooze time was interrupted by the terrible dance music that apparently accompanies these workouts.

At first I just lay there and tried to pretend that the repetitive bass was the baby’s heartbeat but that just ended up making me think the baby was really hateful & annoying, so I stopped.


Letting it all hang out

Last night my company had an event at GPNY, a non-hick go-kart racing facility in Mt. Kisco. Since I pretty much arranged this event it didn’t seem too weird when I called a few weeks ago and asked our event manager there, “Soooo…someone in our office is pregnant and wanted to know if it was safe to drive with baby on board…”

As expected, he strongly advised against and I said that I would “tell that person” (which I did, psychically and immediately) Anyway, by the time 4pm rolled around yesterday and everyone was getting ready to board the mini-buses and SUVs up to the facility I felt like a big bag of mush and told my boss that I just couldn’t go. I went and sat in the bathroom for a while and the more I thought about it, the more I knew I would regret being such a wimp- plus this was going to be my big coming out! I figured if my lack of driving didn’t provoke questions, my lack of drinking would. Girlfriend never met an open bar she didn’t like, gnome’sayin?

So I reversed my position and boarded the mini bus on the condition that I could sit in the very front and have 2 seats.  Our driver wasn’t following directions at the end and therefore was forced to feel the full power of my BABYTEMPER but it got the job done, and soon all my work pals were vroom-vrooming away. I staggered my announcement to small groups of folks and everyone was pleased/ hugs were received… phew! / yay!

Still haven’t told my dad yet, but since I only told him I was married 6 months ago (in a text message) I figure he can wait till later this evening. Same goes for grandma Alice since I know its going to take a lot of explaining at high volumes to communicate the general idea to her.

But it felt really good to get it out there- I got home around 11:30 and immediately had a celebratory barf!

It’s short for ‘Spraynerd’

So other than the one night I sprayed a couple bowlfuls of ‘faux’ chicken noodle soup out of every facial orifice I haven’t actually been *too* sick. Nauseous and weak and dizzy and tired for hours and hours and hours? Yes. I think a lot of it was stress-related, but today me, and Mikey and my mama got to see my plump & juicy uterine partyspace on the screen at the doc’s and you know what else? A heartbeat! My creature’s pumping!

As if that weren’t exciting enough- Mike and I went and got pizza afterwards! (it was gross) I don’t really have much of an appetite (lost 6 pounds since the last doc visit) but after they drew NINE vials of blood I felt I needed some nourishment in triangular form.

Tonight we begin the “we’re pregnant!” phone tree- at the end of which will be a most awesome episode of Season 3-era Lost. YAY!!!


This is a very busy week for the creature what with growing an umbilical cord, and the beginnings of eyes, ears and mouth hole. The creature has also sprouted its arm and leg buds! All this sprouting has left me feeling pretty tired and nauseous. I have yet to ACTUALLY throw up and I attribute this to my stomach of steel and intense hatred of the vomiting process but I guess I’m not out of the woods yet. If I spew, you guys will be in the loop- swear!

Also, what’s with M sniffing me every day when I get home from work? He says, “Do you smell that?”

Me: smell what? Is it the dog?

M: *sniffs dog* No, it’s not the dog. Are you…using something different on your face?

Me: No.

I smell pregnant, duh! I asked my mom about this and she said she worked with a lady whose mom would sleep in a separate room during her pregnancies because she was embarrassed about her “smell.”

Me: Really??? She would like… Brady Bunch it for nine months???

Mom: Yup. Weird, right?

Me: That’s terrible!

This is 2008; I’m not going anywhere ‘cuz of my supposed preggo whiff. How could anyone forgo snuggles at such an emotionally demanding time? I’d shrivel up and die if I couldn’t snug up with my man and my ridiculous dog* every night.

* Okay, I could probably survive if the doggie friend slept on her cushion beside the bed. No biggie.

How’s My Gestating?

Alright, I know this sounds crazy and maybe it’s just because I drank a ton of water today and feel like a giant blueberry but… I have this niggling* feeling there is maybe more than one creature? Twins do NOT run in my family on either side, and as far as M knows they don’t run on his side either but… I thought I’d mention it in case there’s a whole jazz quartet preparing to have a jam sesh in there.

(Also, because no one ever believes (or cares) when someone you phone says, “Oh my God, I was JUST going to call you!” Similarly, if I am twinned up it is documented that I called it like aaages in advance. Hella psychically)

*That’s a word, right? The NAACP isn’t going to put my name on a list?

A bit blue

I guess this will change once I am allowed to tell anyone (other than my mom and my husband and an optometrist) that I am pregnant but I’m feeling pretty alone. Alone with my secret baby.
I sometimes talk to “the creature” and tell it how I can’t wait to meet him or her and that I am in love already…but the creature can’t talk back.
It’s not that M can’t understand but… well he just can’t understand. It’s just me and my silent one who I am forced to miss for the next 7.5 months and that makes me sad, sad, sad.

Srsly. Where do I get off?

Guys- I am shaping up to be a terrible mom!! My dog completely fell down a sewer yesterday. She is fine- but she did you know, plop through a hole and fall 3 or 4 feet onto a pile of subterranean wet garbage. Thankfully my wonderhuzz was there with his ultra long arms and soothing manner to save her! He laid down his jean jacket, she climbed aboard, and was hoisted to safety. I was hoping nobody would see us while all this was going on but a truck did drive by and I waved my arms to prevent them from running M over. They saw his legs dangling out of the gutter & must have been all types of confused.

The little doggie friend was TERRIFIED! Thankfully, she ceased being a barky bitch just long enough to get herself rescued or we would have had a real nasty situation on our hands. She must be bathed tonight– maybe this was a sign that I need to stop putting that off…

Hope she likes Flex Balsam & Honey shampoo because she is going to smell like a lil dream whether she likes it or not!